The Female of the Species
by AliseEve
Summary: There exists a theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes. He may be dancing in none of them, but he never said anything about being female. New and improved with an edited part 1 and part 2.
1. Chapter 1

**(AN: Remember that challenge I mentioned in my last drabble (Illness)? Here it is…my friend giggled manically the entire time I was writing this and beta'd it. Might finish the pilot…ok correction was told I *will* finish the pilot before next weekend. Enjoy)**

**(AN2: Finally finished it with a *LOT* of help from the friend who giggled all throughout the writing. She helped a lot. Hope you liked and more posts may be added as I get inspiration for them. This chapter was also edited from it's original version.)  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Bang Theory at all.**

* * *

Two young females sat, looking very out of place in the hallways of the clinic. The shorter one had long black hair pulled back in a ponytail and a pair of black framed glasses that nearly hid her eyes. She was dressed in a pair or corduroy jeans with a red T-shirt worn underneath a green hoodie with purple trim. The other had short brown hair that hung around her shoulders, the front held back by a bright red headband that had bright yellow lightning bolts on either side. She wore brown and white plaid skirt that went just past her knees, she wore a red shirt with the Flash's symbol on it over top of a long sleeved yellow shirt. A tan messenger bag hung over one shoulder despite protests from her friend to leave it at home.

It was obvious to anyone looking that they weren't the type of people that usually frequented this hall, but then Lennie Hofstadter and Shelby Cooper were the last two people anyone would expect in the psychology department at all. If Shelby hadn't found the flyer on the bulletin board at the college, and hadn't dragged her roommate along, they wouldn't have been there, but she did, and they were. Lennie absently listened as her roommate babbled on as they walked, used to the other woman's chatter.

"So if a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either slit is observed it will not go through both slits. If it's unobserved it will, however, if it's observed after it's left the plane but before it hits its target, it will not have gone through both slits." Shelby said looking over at Lennie.

Lennie sighed and turned to look at her roommate as they arrived at the address on the flyer. "Agreed, what's your point?" she said as she started to open the door.

"There's no point, I just think it's a good idea for a t-shirt." Shelby said simply, as she followed Lennie into the room. They both looked around the empty waiting room nervously as they both tried to figure out if this was the right place.

Seeing a receptionist at the desk, reading a newspaper, the two walked forward. "Excuse Me?" Lennie asked nervously.

"Hang on." The receptionist said not looking up from her paper.

The two women shared a look then Lennie looked confidently at the paper and began to speak "One across is Ulysses, eight down is lightning , twenty-six across is Gold, fourteen down is" Lennie looked closer then gently pushed the woman's finger away "…diabolical which makes fourteen across Denver." Lennie smiled sweetly at the older woman at the desk, trying to impress her and speed up their conversation.

The receptionist glared at the two younger women, "Can I help you?"

The two looked nervous again then Lennie spoke "Yes. Um, is this where we're supposed to sign in for the mental study?"

The receptionist rolled her eyes and spoke condescendingly to the two younger women "If you can't read a flyer properly how do you expect to participate in a study of this magnitude?"

"I think this is the place." Shelby said looking at her best friend with confidence.

"Fill these out." The receptionist said shoving two clipboards into Lennie's hand.

Lennie took them and handed one to Shelby. "Thank-you." She said grabbing her roommates arm and leading them both to a seat.

"Oh, take your time. I'll just finish my crossword puzzle. Or not." The receptionist replied, giving a glare to the two women.

Lennie and Shelby sat staring at the forms for a few minutes before starting to fill out the information. A few minutes later Lenny felt Shelby tap her on the shoulder and turned to look, "Lennie, I don't think I can do this." She said her voice gaining a whining tone.

Lennie stared at her for a moment. "Are you kidding. You're a semi-pro, you've been to enough psychiatrists you could probably write any examines they want to give.."

Shelby glared at her "No. I don't think I want to do this anymore. We don't even know what they're studying us for." she paused then looked sulky. "And those visits were my mother's idea. Apparently not liking Church is a psychosis."

Lennie sighed and shook her head slightly. "Shelby, this was your idea. A little extra money to get fractional T1 bandwidth in the apartment, remember? You'd even have enough left over for a new comic."

"I know, and I do yearn for faster downloads and a new Flash would never be a loss," Shelby replied, "but I don't want my mental faculties winning anyone other than myself a Nobel Prize."

Lennie sighed again then stared at Shelby trying hard not to ask HOW they'd usurp a Nobel Prize with psychology, "Well, what do you want to do then?" she said, used to her friends antics.

Shelby looked plaintively at her "I want to leave."

Lennie watched her friend, fighting internal struggle of giving up or smacking her before settling on the former. "Okay, fine lets go then. We'll find something else." she said putting the clipboard down.

"What's the protocol for leaving?" Shelby asked following Lennie's lead.

"I don't know, I've never bowed out of a promise to commit my brain to a psychological study before." Lennie frowned. "Let's try just walking out."

"Okay." Shelby said standing up and heading towards the door, they'd nearly made it when they heard the receptionist.

"Bye" The woman said, looking far too cheerful.

Both gulped then quickly said bye and walked out the door as quickly as they could. Shelby waved, or started to, but Lennie smacked her hand back down again and tugged her out of the door.

* * *

"Are you still mad about the psychological study?" Shelby asked trudging up the stairs to their apartment.

"No." Lennie said sharply holding their bag of dinner in her hands, as they approached another flight.

Shelby looked at her a moment, concluded it couldn't be a lie and decided to change the subject. "You want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?" she started ignoring Lenny's reply as she continued, "If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters, most people will trip." She said matter of factly as she walked beside her roommate.

"I don't care." Lennie snapped then turned to look at her roommate curiously. "Two millimeters? That doesn't seem right somehow." She said disbelieving.

"No, it's true, I did a series of experiments when I was twelve, my father broke his clavicle. My mother was not pleased." Shelby said in her normal know-it-all tone.

"You broke your father's clavicle? Is that why they sent you to boarding school?" Lennie asked smirking.

"No... that was due to the incident with the lasers." Shelby corrected, beginning to elaborate when they reached their floor and music accosted their ears. Looking across the two saw a man, around their age or slightly younger, unpacking in the apartment next door.

He was medium height, not much taller than them, tanned and obviously muscular. His sandy blond hair was short and stuck up in several directions from either gel or sweat. He wore an light blue short sleeved button up shirt untucked with the first few buttons undone exposing a white tank top under it and a pair of tight blue jeans. The two woman stopped and stared for a moment.

"New neighbor?" Lennie asked, staring at the newcomer openly in shock and awe.

"Apparently." Shelby said sharply, annoyed at the question that shouldn't actually BE a question. She would refuse if asked to admit to staring at the young man herself.

"A uh bi-big step up to the last neighbor we had.." Lenny stated, her eyes never leaving the man as she gulped. "Big improvement."

"Since he's not a two hundred pound female attempting to be a male and appears to lack psoriasis, yes, he is." Shelby looked over at her friend, and wondered ,not for the first time, why she had chosen such a ditzy roommate.

The sound of their voices must have penetrated the music from the apartment, as they saw their new neighbor lift his head and look at them "Oh, hi!" he said smiling at the women.

"Hi." Lennie said shyly, elbowing Shelby to get a response.

"Hi." Shelby said glaring at her roommate's elbow.

"Hi" Lennie said again.

"Hi." Shelby said confusion entering her voice as she wondered why they were repeating the same word inanely.

"Hi?" The young man said bemusedly, looking at the two women.

"We don't mean to interrupt, we live across the hall." Lennie said, her mind finally restarting.

"That's nice." The man said with a smile.

Lennie looked for a moment then thought about what she had said started talking quickly. "Oh… uh… no… we don't** live** together… um… we just live together. You know, like in separate, heterosexual bedrooms." She said babbling as she stared.

"Oh, okay, well, guess I'm your new neighbor. My name's Perry." The man said smiling at the two awkward females in front of him. He wiped his hand on his jeans to rid it of any sweat or dirt and offered it to the girls.

Lennie stared at him and shook his hand shyly."I…I'm Lennie, and this is Shelby."

"Hi." Perry said wanting to make a good impression on his neighbors.

"Hi." Lennie replied smiling at Perry.

"Hi." Shelby parroted, still not sure why they were doing this. She looked questionably at Perry's hand and kept her's at her side.

"Hi." Perry repeated, trying hard not to laugh as he lowered his hand.

Lennie cleared her throat and tried to talk "H…hi. Well, uh, oh, welcome to the building." She stuttered.

"Thanks." Perry smiled feeling amusement and sympathy for the two women. Last time he'd seen a girl so tongue tied it had been when his sister got an autograph from her favorite singer. "Maybe we could have coffee sometime after I'm all moved in.

"Oh, great." Lennie said smiling back.

"Great." Perry said

"Great." Shelby repeated with the enthusiasm of someone who just scheduled a root canal.

"Great. Well, bye." Lennie said turning to leave, her mind still on her new neighbor.

"Bye." Perry said with a wave.

"Bye." Shelby repeated, glad the banal chit chat was over.

"Bye." Lennie said wistfully. As she watched Perry enter his apartment and close the door, before turning back to her own apartment.

"Should we have invited him to eat with us?" Lennie asked Shelby as Shelby opened the door.

"No!" Shelby said frantically "We're going to start Season Two of Battlestar Galactica today. Plus we don't let strange men into the apartment!" She continued.

"We already watched the Season Two DVDs." Lennie said pleadingly, looking back towards Perry's door.

"Not with the commentary on." Shelby continued, ignoring her friends lingering looks at the neighbors door.

"I think we should be good neighbors, invite him over, make him feel welcome to the building. Oh, we could bake him cookies." Lennie continued.

Shelby looked concerned at her roommate for a moment, "We never invited Louise-slash-Louis over, and I promised mother I would not have male company over! Besides, do you even know how to bake cookies?"

Lennie ignored her, "Well, then that was wrong of us. We need to widen our circle. And we did just meet him which means he's not strange. You know what, I'm going to go invite him over. We'll have a nice meal and chat. You won't break any rules to you mother because it'll be me having the company."

Shelby looked quizzically at her roommate "Chat? We don't chat. At least not offline and certainly not with strange men."

Lennie shook her head, "It's not that difficult, you just listen to what he says and then you say something appropriate in response. I know you can do it, I've heard you on the phone before."

Shelby frowned again, "I am against this," she was about to continue when Leonard left the apartment, ending their conversation. She froze thinking about what to do then quickly followed, finding Lennie next door at their neighbor's apartment.

"Hi. Again." Lennie said trying to sound perky as their neighbor answered the door.

Perry smiled at her. "Hi" he replied wanting to see if the girls would respond like earlier.

He almost smiled as first Shelby then Lenny responded like earlier with shy 'hi's'.

"Hi." He responded again after them trying his hardest not to laugh.

Lennie stared up at him, and shook herself to remember why she was there, "Anyway, um. We brought home Indian food for lunch. And, um. I know that moving can be stressful, and I find that when I'm undergoing stress, that good food and company can have a comforting effect on me. Also, curry is a natural laxative, and I don't have to tell you that, uh, a clean colon is just one less thing to worry about."She rambled wincing at how stupid she sounded.

"Lennie," Shelby whispered, "I'm not an expert on social invitations by any means but I believe in the context of invitations involving food, you might want to skip any reference to bowel movements." She continued, trying not to look at their neighbor.

"Oh, you're inviting me over to eat?" He asked, "Well, I have to say I've never quite had an invitation like this before," he said smirking.

"Uh, yes." Lennie said shyly, fully expecting him to say no, after all what cute guy would want to have lunch with her and Shelby of all people.

"You two are so sweet, Sure, I'd love to." Perry said feeling just a bit sorry for them.

"Great!" Lenny said enthusiastically.

"So, what do you gals do for fun around here?" Perry said, slinging an arm around both their shoulders.

"Well, today we nearly signed up for a psychological exam in exchange for money." Shelby said nervously.


	2. Chapter 2

**(AN: Here's part 2! Thanks to my friend who helped bunches with this (ok ok more like she wrote most of it, I'll admit) :) Hope you enjoy!)**

* * *

The three walked into the other apartment and Perry took a good look around his neighbor's apartment. He almost laughed at what he saw it looked like a comic book store exploded. Figurines and posters decorated the walls and shelves, a bookcase or two was filled with DVDS and books. Several whiteboards placed around the room gave it the look of a strange homemade spaceship. He was shaken out of his thoughts as Lennie spoke.

"Okay, well, make yourself at home." Lennie said, gesturing around the apartment, and hoping the man would not take too much notice of the Sci-fi memorabilia. In her experience Sci-fi stuff wasn't a big turn on...well, outside of Comic Con.

"Will do" Perry said as he continued looking around at everything noticing the dry erase board was covered in numbers, letters, symbols, and some unidentifiable writings. His eyes widened, he'd thought his neighbors were just quirky, he didn't realize they could understand stuff like this. "This looks like some serious science-y stuff. Lennie, did you do this?" Perry asked turning to look at the smaller brunette.

"Actually that's my work." Shelby interrupted with a hint of pride and smugness. "I did that. That was me." She said walking over to the board and smiled at Perry.

Perry smiled at her, they both needed a lot of help socially, but they were cute girls. "Wow." Perry looked impressed, "Way cool." He said trying to make sense of the squiggles and symbols, finally giving up as Shelby started talking about her work. She was kinda cute when you got past the awkwardness.

"Yeah, well, it's just some quantum mechanics, with a little string theory doodling around the edges." she pointed to different parts of the board. "That part there, that's just a joke, it's a spoof of the Bourne-Oppenheimer approximation." Shelby said, noticing herself start to ramble as she explained, her mind immediately analyzing this phenomena, only to be abruptly pulled out of it as her new neighbor spoke.

"So you're like, one of those super smart and beautiful genius girls?" Perry said deciding to try and flirt with the girl, she was pretty, in a geeky sort of way, and he thought he'd try. The worse that could happen was he spent his days avoiding the neighbors.

"Yeah." Shelby agreed, nodding and not catching the hint of flirtation.

"This is really impressive." Perry repeated, eyes a bit crossed as he looked at it.

"I have a board!" Lennie said quickly, catching his attention. She moved quickly to show him her work, Pulling Perry towards the board, boldly." If you like boards, this is my board. See? I have a board."

"Wow." Perry breathed out, "Two super smart and pretty girl geniuses right next door." He said seriously, staring at the complicated math on the board that looked more like a strange football play than a math problem.

"If by 'wow' you mean a pointless restatement of the kind of stuff you can find scribbled on the wall of any women's room at MIT, then sure." Shelby scoffed, arms crossed as she looked at her roommates 'work'. Hers was obviously better than Lennie's, after all she'd been working on it since she was eleven.

"What?" Lennie said in disbelief, her anger over the comment making her forget for a moment she was flirting with a cute guy.

"Oh, come on now. Who hasn't seen this differential right next to 'for a good time call' on any given stall?" Shelby said pointing to a part on the lower end of the board, frowning.

Lennie glared at Shelby, "At least I didn't have to invent twenty-six dimensions just to make the math come out."

Shelby gasped in shock,"I didn't invent them, they're there already!" She argued.

"In what universe?" Lennie retorted

"In all of them, that is the point!" Shelby yelled, the two of them forgetting they had a neighbor, until Shelby turned to sit down and eat, her eyes meeting the sight of their new neighbor sitting on the couch and stopped suddenly, unsure of the odd feeling of rightness. "Um, Perry, that's where I sit." She managed to stumble out. Her mind for once freezing for a moment.

Perry looked at her, smiled and patted his thigh, "So, sit here then, I'm not going to complain."

Shelby looked blank, her mind not functioning with this upheaval of what should be. "No, I sit there alone."

Perry frowned confused for a moment, "What's the difference with this seat anyway?" he asked

"What's the difference?" Shelby said her voice raising, about to go into her rant.

Lennie sighed sending Perry a commiserating look. Shelby was going to scare him away figures that the first cute guy she may possibly have a chance with and Shelby Cooper was going to scare him away. "Here we go."

Shelby sent a glare towards Perry glad to have some form of distraction to focus on. "In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by open windows there, and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide to create a parallax distortion, I could go on, but I think I've made my point." She explained, hands on her hips as she mentally willed him to move.

"Do you want me to move?" Perry offered easily. If this was his family his sister would have already nailed him with her high heel to make him move.

"Well..." Shelby considered unwillingly, looking around unsure.

"Just sit somewhere else!" Lennie hissed wanting to keep from making a bigger spectical.

"Fine." Shelby said grouchily. She looked around trying to find somewhere acceptable to sit, but ended up just moving in circles. Looking around and trying various seats around the room stopping frequently,

"Shelby! Just sit!" Lennie yelled frustrated at the antics of her roommate.

"Aah!" Shelby complained, hands on her head as she sat down in someone else's spot, looking uncomfortable as she sat as close as she could to her spot without actually being in it. Lennie shook her head and began to sort out containers.

"Well this is nice." Lennie offered after a few moments of uncomfortable silence "We don't really have a lot of company over."

"That's not true!" Shelby protested, shifting in her seat uncomfortably. "Koothrapali and Wolowitz come over all the time, and last week your sister visited, and the week before that…"

"Yes, I know but-" Lennie started, regretting that she'd opened her mouth, getting more and more embarrassed over her roommates behavior in front of their new neighbor.

"Tuesday night we played Klingon Boggle until one in the morning." Shelby continued glaring as she tried to take her mind off of what was happening.

"Yes, I remember." Lennie groaned, feeling her chances with the new neighbor slip away as they spoke.

"I resent you saying we don't have company." Shelby sniffed, crossing her arms.

"I'm sorry." Lennie said dully.

"That's implies we're antisocial."

"I said sorry!" Lennie complained.

"So...Klingon boggle?" Perry asked, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Yeah..." Lennie said with embarrassment. "It's like regular boggle but..well, in um Klingon...That's probably enough about us, tell us about you." she said quickly to change the subject.  
Perry grinned and thought about it. "Well, huh...me...I'm a Sagittarius, which probably tells you a lot more than anyone really needs to know."

"Hmph." Shelby said, scorn evident in her face and tone. "It tells us that you engage in mass cultural delusions in the belief that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow effects your personality."

"Engage in what?" Perry blinked.

"Er, what Shelby is TRYING to say is that 'Saggitarius' wouldn't be our first guess." Lennie said, trying to cover for her roommate.

"Yeah...My sister keeps saying I should be an Aquarius. What else is there...I'm a semi-practicing vegetarian...sometimes, except for fish and steak. I love steak." Perry said, quite aware of the hypocrisy in the statement.

"Do-Do you have a job?" Lennie tried not to point out the flaws in Perry's statement, not wanting to frighten him off.

"Yeah, um currently I'm a waiter at the Cheesecake Factory." Perry admitted with a small amount of shame.

"I love cheesecake." Lennie blurted out.

Shelby scoffed, "You're lactose intolerant."

Lennie shot Shelby an aggravated look. "I don't eat it, I just think the mixture works in theory as a good idea."

Perry smiled brightly at her enthusiasm. "Yeah? I'm also kind of writing a screenplay. It's about this farm boy from Lincoln Nebraska who moves to L.A. To be an Actor but wines up working a dead end job as a waitor."

"So...Your life." Shelby summarized.

"No. I'm technically from Omaha, a farm not far outside it. Well, my granddad did have a kind of farm near Lincoln but his crops weren't...Anyway..."

"Well, if that got turned into a movie I would definitely go to see it." Lennie lied.

"Thanks! That's pretty much the story of Perry so far. Stay tuned for updates." he said with a wink.

"Well it sounds wonderful!"

"It was." Perry sighed, "Until I fell in love with a home wrecker."

Shelby looked blankly, not sure what was going on or what t do. _"What's happening?"_ she mouthed at Lennie when Perry wasn't looking.

Lennie looked just as confused and mouthed back. _"I don't know."_

"Oh God I mean...I lived with her for four YEARS, you know. That's like, as long as High School!." Perry said bitterly.

"It took you four years to get through High School?" Shelby said with a smirk.

"Don't." Lennie held up a hand in warning.

"I just can't believe I actually trusted her." Perry shook his head. He shouldn't be unloading on his neighbors but after the fifth call even his mother had started to hang up on him. It was still better than his sister who said to 'man up, wuss'.

"Don't, you'll only make this worse." Shelby said, correctly reading Lennie's look for once.

"The worst bit of all is that even though she's a lying cheater and I hate her, I still love her. Is that crazy?" Perry looked up at the two.

"Yes." Shelby said frankly, nodding.

"No, no, no, it's not crazy it's, uh, uh, it's a paradox. And paradoxes are part of nature!" Lennie said. Shelby glowered at her and she shut up quickly.

"Sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't unload on you girls. I'm just such a mess and on top of everything else I'm all sweaty and gross from moving, I can't locate my body spray and my stupid shower doesn't work." Perry complained, rubbing his hands through his hair in frustration.

"Our shower works!" Lennie said quickly, despite Shelby's look.

Perry perked up, "Really? Would it be out of line or strange if I asked to use it?"

"Yes!" Shelby yelped.

"No." Lennie said just as fast.

"No?" Shelby whimpered.

"No." Lennie pointedly looked at Shelby.

"No..."

"It's just right down that hall there." Lennie told Perry.

"Thanks! You girls are just so sweet." Perry said with a bright smile, jogging down the hall.

"I think my mother would disprove." Shelby said blankly. "And according to her, so would Jesus."

"Your mother wouldn't care." Lennie said, though uncertain.

Shelby shook her head, "What exactly are you trying to accomplish with this endeavor?"

"Excuse me?"

"It's extremely unlikely that the man in our shower is going to have sex with you."

"I'm not trying to have sex with him." Lennie groaned.

"Good. You won't be disappointed and I won't have to hear it." Shelby said, hoping the conversation was over.  
She wasn't in luck however as after a few moments Lennie looked over at her, clearly annoyed. "What makes you think he wouldn't have sex with me? I'm a female, he's quite obviously a male!"

Shelby snorted, "Yes, but not of the same species."

"I'm not going to debate this with you. I'm just being a good neighbor."

"Of course." Shelby said, stealing her spot back and moving to make sure it hadn't been changed.

"That's not to say I wouldn't participate if a carnal relationship were to...develop."

"Do you think that perhaps that will become more unlikely when he discovers you use no-more-tears shampoo housed inside Luke Skywalker?"

"It's Darth Vader shampoo." Lennie complained as someone knocked at their door. She crossed to the door and opened it, glowering at Shelby still. "Luke's the conditioner.

"Wait till you see this!" A woman Lennie's height said as she burst into the apartment. She had short black hair pulled back into a stubby ponytail at the nape of her neck. She was wearing a red blouse that was nearly cut too low with a pair of tight black jeans and bright red converse shoes. She was followed by a short Indian woman.

The Indian woman had long black hair pulled into a braid underneath a bright orange baseball cap. She wore a long brown skirt, a white dress shirt with a deep brown vest over top. She had a bright purple jacket tied around her waist and looked just as excitable.

"It's fantastic. Unbelievable." she proclaimed.

"See what?" Lennie asked.

"It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from MIT in 1974." the woman said, waggling a disk case.

"This isn't a good time."

"It's from before he got the creepy computer voice." She coerced.

"Great...you have to go."

"What? Why?"

"It's not a good time." Lennie repeated.

"Lennie has a man over." Shelby tattled. She crossed her arms and looked annoyed from her spot on the couch. "Against wishes."

"Ah, your Grandad visiting?"

"No...And it's not some man, just our new neighbor."

"Wait." the black haired woman's eyes went wide and she looked around suspiciously. "There really IS a man here?"

"Uh-huh." Lennie nodded, rubbing her hands together nervously.

"Ahhh, and you want us out because you're expecting coitus?"

"No! I'm not expecting coitus."

"So he's avaliable for coitus?"

"Can we please stop using that word?"

"Technically I believe that would be 'coitus interruptus'." Shelby quipped, enjoying Lennie's discomfort.

"Hey," Perry said, walking down the hall towards them with just a towel wrapped around his waist. "Is there a trick to getting the shower to switch from tub to actual shower?" He stopped and gripped the towel a little tighter at the side. "Oh. Company. Hey!"  
All the girls looked at a loss for words at the sight of Perry standing in just a towel in the living room.

"I-I'm Holly Wolowitz, Cal-Tech department of Applied Physics." Holly recovered her voice first. "I currently am responsible for a satellite orbiting Jupiter's largest moon. It takes high-resolution digital photographs." she bragged, stepping forward, eyes wide.

"I'm Perry." he said, shaking her hand. "I work as a waiter down at the Cheesecake Factory.

"I'll um...I'll show you the trick with the shower." Lennie offered, tearing her eyes away from Perry's chest.

"I love you." Holly choked as Lennie lead Perry away.

"Uh, there it goes, it sticks, I'm sorry." Lennie said, standing up and moving away from the shower.

"Thanks." Perry grinned and traded spots with Lennie to stand closer to the shower.

"You're welcome." Lennie's eyes widened as Perry climbed into the shower. "Oh...You're just gonna...okay, I'll..."

"Hey, Lennie?" Perry called out, tossing the blue towel over the shower curtain printed with the Periodic table of elements.

"The hair products are Shelby's!" Lennie yelped.

"Um...Okay?" Perry chuckled. "Can I ask you a favor?" he asked as he smiled and borrowed some of the shampoo from Star Wars bottles.

"A favor? Sure, you can ask me a favor. Of course I'd do you a favor. Absolutely." Lennie babbled.

"It is okay if you want to say no." Perry told her.

"I'll still probably say yes." Lennie mumbled, trying not to blush.

"It's just not the kind of thing you'd usually ask a girl you've just met."

"Wow." Lennie gulped and lost the battle to not blush.

* * *

Shelby sat uncomfortably in the passenger seat of Lennie's car, gazing dead ahead at the road trying to sort the events of the day into a pattern that would make sense.

She'd nearly gotten her brain studied by a branch of science that should NOT count, she'd met a new neighbor, lost her seat to the neighbor that she'd been forced to share her meal with despite him smelling like her father after a football game, lost her shower that now she was going to have to disinfect...again! And now, above all else she was dragged out of the apartment on some fool's errand for said smelly male neighbor who had stolen her spot!

"I think we should really examine the chain of events that has lead us here." Shelby said tightly.

"Must we?" Lennie sighed.

"Event A, a handsome man stands naked in our shower. Event B, we now drive half way across town to retrieve a cellphone from the same man's ex-girlfriend. Question." Shelby said, looking at Lennie with annoyance. "In what world is there even a semi-rational link between these events?"

"He asked for a favor, Shelby." Lennie sighed, "You can't turn down a favor."

"Ah...yes, that may be the start of our current journey, but it's not the root cause.

"What is that then?" Lennie's hands gripped the wheel tightly.

"You think with your endgame being coitus."

"You didn't have to come." Lennie muttered.

"Yes, of course not. I could have stayed behind and watched Wolowitz hit on Perry in three different languages as he smirks. Why can't he get his own cellphone?" Shelby gave into whining.

"Come on, you know how it is when you have a break-up." Lennie compelled her.

"No." Shelby said sulkily, crossing her arms. "And neither do you."

"What?" Lennie stuttered, "I-I broke up with Kim John!"

"You did not." Shelby mocked him. "He defected to North Korea."

"To mend his broken heart because I broke up with him." Lennie contended. "This is a lot less complicated than that was anyway. There's just a dispute between Perry and his ex-girlfriend about who's phone it is...Apparently she paid for it so...It doesn't matter, Perry just wanted to avoid having a scene."

"So we get to have this scene with her instead?"

"No, there isn't going to be a scene. There's two of us and we can be more cordial than most feuding ex's."  
"I don't get your reasoning." Shelby said plainly.

* * *

Perry sat down in Shelby's spot mainly just to steal the spot, given there were several open seats and turned to the Indian woman who'd stolen the mostly full takeout container Lennie had left.

"So, you gals work with Lennie and Shelby at the University?"

She looked down at her food, back at Perry and blushed deeply, taking a mouthful so she wouldn't have to speak.

"Uh, sorry. Do you speak English?" Perry asked cautiously, not having meant to offend anyone.

"Don't worry, Rajni speaks perfect English." Holly explained, "She just can't speak to men."

"Really?" Perry looked disturbed. "Why?"

"Eh, Raj is just kind of a nerd." Holly said despite the glare Rajni sent him. Holly smiled brightly and held out a juice box hopefully.

"Juice box?"

* * *

"Don't worry, I'll do the talking." Lennie said approaching the doors to Perry's old apartment building.  
She stepped forward and pushed the appropriate button on the call sheet.

After a moment a sultry female voice sounded through the buzzer.

_"Yeah?"_

"Hi...I'm Lennie," Lennie said nervously. "This is Shelby," she gestured absently to her friend, not even thinking about whether they'd bee seen or not.

"Hello." Shelby said instinctively from lifelong training.

Lennie shot Shelby and annoyed look and turned back to the buzzer. "We...Uh, we're here to get Perry's cellphone."

_"Ugh. Get lost."  
_

"Thanks for your time." Shelby said quickly, moving to walk away.

"We're not giving up that easily." Lennie said, tugging her back by her shirt sleeve.

"But Lennie, the phone is in the building which we've been denied access to. Ergo, we must be done."

"Hey, if I were to give up that easily I'd never have been able to identify the fingerprints of string theory in the aftermath of the big bang!" Lennie said defensively.

"My apologies." Shelby nodded in acknowledgment. "What's your master plan?"

Lennie examined the building and the buzzers. Finally she walked over to the doors and tugged experimentally. She rattled the doors violently with frustration then stepped back with a sigh of annoyance. She brushed a strand of hair back from her face and glared at the doors blocking her entry.

"It's really just a privilege to watch your mind work." Shelby said, barely holding back a 'bazinga'.

"We've got a combined IQ of 360. We should be able to figure out how to get into some stupid building." Lennie tried to rally her roommate for help.

As she studied the building trying to find a way in a pair of girl scouts walked passed them carrying bags full of what she could only presume were cookies.

One reached up with her spare hand and ran her fingers across all the buttons, pushing them all in.

The door buzzed open moments later.

"What do you think their IQ is combined?" Shelby asked curiously.

"Oh, Just grab the door!" Lennie snapped as the girls entered.

* * *

"Okay...this is it." Lennie said, steeling her nerves. Confrontations had never her strong suit and confronting someone who was bullying someone other than herself was unheard of! "I'll...I'll do the talking." Lennie tried to sound confident.  
"Good thinking. Shall I be the muscle?" Shelby inquired as Lennie knocked.

Lennie turned to look at her in disbelief, "In what universe could you be considered -"

"Yeah?" the woman who opened the door to look at them was a few inches taller than them with long blond hair and more curves than they'd seen outside of the parametric equation.

"I'm Lennie this is Shelby." Lennie stated anxiously.

"From the intercom." Shelby squeaked.

"How the hell did you manage to get into the building." She demanded.

"We-we're scientists."

"Tell her our IQ." Shelby whispered.

* * *

Lennie peeked outside the apartment cautiously and looked around worriedly. "Come on." she whispered and stepped outside.  
Instead of the trousers she'd had on when she'd entered she now had her outer jacket wrapped around her waist to shield her bare legs and underwear from view. Shelby walked behind her, not really bothering to shield herself so her bright red 'flash' underwear was in full view.

"Lennie?" Shelby said questioningly.

"What?" Shelby sighed.

"My mom bought me that skirt." Shelby stated.

"Sorry." Lennie groaned, walking quickly towards her car.

"You have to all her and tell her what you've done." Shelby declared.

* * *

"Yes, Shelby, I know. I said I'm sorry I dragged you into this." Lennie said as she hiked up the stairs to their apartment.

"It's okay." Shelby shrugged. "It's not like this was my first time being pants and more than likely it will not be my last."

"You were right too."

"I often am." Shelby nodded, moving to the second flight of stairs, "But could you be more specific?"

"About my motives. I was hoping to start a relationship that might possibly some day lead to sex."

"Well, your aim might have been off but you did successfully get me out of my bottoms." Shelby attempted to use the vernacular.

Lennie couldn't help smiling wryly at Shelby's use of slang. "Anyway, I've learned my lesson. Perry is definitely out of my league. I'm done. I've got my work to keep me busy and maybe one day I'll win the Nobel Prize before...dying alone."

"Don't think that." Shelby scolded her friend, moving onto the last flight of stairs. "You're not going to die alone.

"Thanks, Shelby-"

"And you are certainly NOT winning a Nobel Prize." she continued.

"You really are a good friend." Lennie said, rolling her eyes.

* * *

"See and this place?" Holly said, gesturing to her laptop. "Is one of my favorite places to hang around after a raid. They have great house ale." Holly was trying hard to impress Perry as Rajni sat on the couch pretending not to stare, much like they had been for the last hour. However, not knowing really how to impress a boy, Holly had resorted to showing off her favorite MMORPG in hopes he'd like it.

"Cool tiger." Perry said, leaning over to get a good view of the screen and trying hard not to let his gaze drop below Holly's eye level.

"I've had him since level ten." Holly bragged. "His name is Buttons. You know if you had your own account we could hang out. Maybe...go on a raid? You could join my guild." she offered.

"Sounds cool." Perry shrugged and recrossed his arms over the back of the couch.

Holly smiled happily, "You'll think about it?"

"Oh, no doubt." Perry nodded. "Doubt I'll forget." He moved away with a smile to examine the contents of the room again. The more he looked at their stuff the more interesting it became. Yeah, he'd always wanted action figures as a kid, but mostly he'd gotten Ken dolls.

Rajni leaned forward and whispered harshly. "Real smooth."

"Shut up." Holly groused.

The door opened with a click and Shelby and Lennie entered looking much worse for wear. Holly tried hard not to laugh at the fact both were missing their pants but had to press her fist to her mouth to keep that from happening. Rajni looked at them baffled.

"We're home." Lennie offered weakly.

Perry looked away from some green action figure guy and stared at them in shock before clapping a hand over his eyes. "What happened?"

"Your ex-girlfriend sends her regard. I think the rest is largely self-explanatory." Lennie said, crossing the room quickly, leaving Shelby to shut the door.

"I'm so sorry." Perry apologized, hand still clapped tightly over his eyes. "I thought if I sent you than she wouldn't be such a bitch...I mean-"

"It was a valid hypothesis." Lennie agreed.

"That was a valid hypothesis?" Shelby demanded. "What is happening in your brain?"

Lennie glared at Shelby.

"Thank you so much for trying." Perry sounded embarrassed and apologetic. "You're really terrific, I swear. Why don't you get some clothes on and I'll go grab my wallet and get dinner for us all. On me." He reiterated.

"Really? Great." Lennie said as Perry uncovered his eyes, quickly looked away and disappeared out the doorway.

"You're not done with him, are you?" Shelby said with a sigh as Lennie stared moonfully out the doorway at Perry.

"Our babies will be smart and beautiful." Lennie said dreamily.

"Not to mention imaginary." Shelby scoffed and went back inside to locate a pair of trousers this time.

* * *

Perry shifted and tried to be polite and keep his hands in his lap as he sat in the backseat of Lennie's car in between Holly and Rajni. He felt horrible about his ex-girlfriend and having sent them in the first place and didn't want to do anything further to possibly offend them.

"Is Thai food okay with you, Perry?" Lennie questioned, looking in the mirror.

"Sure." Perry agreed, not really having had Thai food before.

"We can't have Thai food." Shelby stated. "We had Indian food for lunch."

"So?" Perry asked.

"They're both curry based." Shelby pressed.

"So?" Perry repeated.

"It would be redundant!" Shelby said seriously. She leaned closer to Lennie to speak quietly, "We're going to have to spell out everything for this man, aren't we?"

Perry smiled and turned to his left. "Any ideas, Rajni?"

Rajni looked around with a worried expression and fixed his sight on Holly who rolled her eyes.

"Turn left on Lake Street then head up Colorado. I know a sushi bar. It even has Karaoke." She said temptingly.

"Sounds like fun." Perry said amiably. It was the least he could do to let them pick.

Holly smiled and bounced in her seat, singing some pop song that for once Perry didn't know.

Shelby sighed and turned to Lennie again. "I am unsure of what your odds are overall when it comes to the entire population of the world but..." She looked in the rear view mirror at Holly who was singing and Rajni who was looking extremely awkward still while Perry chuckled quietly at them. "As far as those in this car are concerned you might as well be a centerfold."  
Lennie choked and shot her friend a shocked glance.


End file.
